Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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