Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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