420 ftw
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
