who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
