I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
