Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
