I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
