yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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