What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
