I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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