Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
