Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
