I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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