There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
