you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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