woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
