why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
