i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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