Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
