my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
