fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
