He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
