he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
