it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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