I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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