the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Couch. On fire.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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