R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So here I am, sexting at work.
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