Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
