My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
