She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
