Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
