9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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