Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I sprained my soul last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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