yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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