Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
40s are totally the cure
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
