After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
