her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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