there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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