I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
