I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
