We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
