Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
