The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
