I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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