So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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