yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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