I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
