i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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