I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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