she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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