i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
