Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
